TATER BISCUIT’S THANKSGIVING ERUPTS INTO FLAMES, SHOPPING CARTS, AND THE UNAUTHORIZED “TURKEY TROT 2.0”

By WFAFO 13 News | leadballoon | RP — November 27, 2025

SANDY SHORES, SA — Thanksgiving in leadballoon is normally a peaceful holiday filled with family meals, quiet drives, and the occasional burnt dinner roll. This year, however, one local man turned the entire county into a spectacle of fire, speed, poultry, and questionable legal interpretations.

That man, of course, is Tater Biscuit.

A DEEP-FRYING “EVENT” VISIBLE FROM SPACE

Tater’s Thanksgiving began with a traditional deep-fry turkey attempt that quickly escalated into a Sandy Shores fireworks show.

Using a cut-open oil drum, half a propane tank, and a duck-shaped novelty lighter, Tater created what witnesses described as “a fireball that looked like the sun clocking out early.”

Tater disagreed.

“That ain’t a fireball —that’s flavor releasing.Turkey’s supposed to fight back.”

Deputies arrived, found the fire “mostly staying where it wanted to,” and issued no citations.

One deputy told WFAFO:

“We can’t even be mad at him anymore. It’s like the universe protects him out of curiosity.”

THE GREAT THANKSGIVING FEAST

(IF FEAR COUNTS AS SEASONING)

Once the flames calmed, Tater hosted a community meal outside the Stop ’n’ Sleep Motel, serving:

• deep-fried turkey (structurally compromised but “spirited”)

• stuffing assembled from “survivors of the pantry purge”

• canned cranberry sauce “served the way God intended — can-shaped”

• a ham he won in an Uno match so intense dispatch almost responded

  
  

Residents lined up hesitantly. They left with full plates, full stomachs, and unanswered questions.

One attendee told WFAFO the food was “shockingly edible.”Another called it “a food-based trust exercise.”

THE UNAUTHORIZED SANDY SHORES TURKEY TROT 2.0

At approximately 2:45 PM, after the meal, Tater announced the launch of “The Turkey Trot 2.0” — an annual race that has never been approved, sanctioned, or even formally explained.

Participants used:

• shopping carts

• office chairs

• one stolen traffic cone

• and a rolling toolbox someone insisted was “built for speed”

  
  

Tater, of course, rode a dirt bike ahead of the racers while waving a checkered flag that looked suspiciously like a tablecloth from the motel.

Residents described the event as:

• “dangerous”

• “illegal adjacent”

• “the most fun I’ve had sober”

• and “shockingly well organized for something Tater planned in eight minutes”

  
  

Despite the chaos, no injuries were reported — unless you count pride.

THE SHOPPING CART DUI INCIDENT

Following the race, deputies spotted Tater riding a shopping cart downhill at speeds one witness described as “nothing short of NASCAR energy.”

When questioned about possible intoxication, Tater delivered what will now go down as historic Sandy Shores legal precedent.

“You can’t give me a DUI —the shoppin’ cart ain’t got no motor, dummy.”

Officers confirmed he wasn’t wrong — which, according to one deputy, “hurt more than the paperwork.”

Tater was instructed to walk home. Instead, he pushed the cart back uphill and rode it down again shouting:

“IT’S STREET LEGAL IF YOU BELIEVE HARD ENOUGH!”

No citations were issued. The cart was later found overturned with a hand-written sign attached:

TATER’S THANKSGIVING MESSAGE

Before retreating for the evening, Tater offered the city a heartfelt holiday message:

“Be thankful. Be safe. And fry your turkey outside —unless you’re tryin’ to remodel your kitchen for free.”

WFAFO REMINDS RESIDENTS TO TRAVEL SAFELY

With heavy holiday traffic across the county, officials urge residents to remain cautious on the roads and avoid all:

• propane-powered experiments

• unauthorized street races

• and legal advice offered by Tater Biscuit

  
  

WFAFO 13 will continue to monitor Sandy Shores for any additional Thanksgiving-related chaos.

Especially if wheels, fire, racing, or poultry are involved.